Counseling Services in Leavenworth, Kansas
Hope for today, Strength for tomorrow
Hope is like the sun which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.
Life is short. Do you find yourself spending it being worried, anxious, depressed, fearful, afraid, overwhelmed, hopeless, or helpless? These emotions sometimes seem to take over and control your life at times. You cannot always control your circumstances, but you can learn to modify or control your responses to those circumstances. Sunflower Healing and Recovery can help you make sense of the chaos, and can help you develop tools and strategies to cope, using evidenced-based therapy approaches. Call us today for a free consultation. 913-828-2002
GUILT (and debt)
who needs it
- Make a budget and stick to it. You get to teach your children to be responsible with money. It's easy to feel guilty that your family doesn't have 'enough'. Christmas is a perfect opportunity to demonstrate that money and things are not as important as relationships. As children grow older, there is more pressure from peers to show off material possessions. Use age appropriate language to let them know your family's limitations
- Set boundaries (see Boundaries)
- Substances affect your brain., not in a good way. Reason and judgement are the first two abilities affected. Decisions made while under the influence of substances are rarely good in the long run.
- Alcohol is a depressant......and that's what it does -- depress.
- Other substances have various effects, depending on the substance.
- Gambling and other nonsubstance addictions affect the ability to provide for the family, and directly affect relationships due to the need to lie to cover the addiction. Shame, guilt, and other emotions then further the barrier to communicate with your partner/significant other.
- There are organizations for each of these addictions. Local help can be found through an internet search.
- Keep your voice at conversation level. I have yet to see disagreements de-escalate when voices are raised.
- Recognize the words and gestures that are guaranteed to start arguments. Decide not to use those words and gestures yourself. If others use words and gestures that normally cause you to react, pause and think about why that person wants you to react.
- Are you anxious all the time? Is anxiety keeping you from sleeping?
- Identify the source of your anxiety. Anxiety can come from a variety of sources. Meeting the bills with little income, cooking Christmas dinner for the family, illnesses, job losses, etc.
- Anxiety becomes a problem when it interferes with your ability to sleep when you become cranky or obnoxious all the time, and when you become so fearful that you cannot function. At the most severe levels, seek professional help.
- Anxiety can be reduced by being mindful. There are apps on smart phones specifically to reduce anxiety. Mindfulness can also be practiced by deliberately moving your focus from the anxiety to thinking about a person or place that is very calming and peaceful, and spending a few minutes, 'experiencing' that person or place in your mind. Prayer and prayerful meditation can be effective as well.
- Let others help out with the meal. Aunt Mary gets to bring her special garlic mashed potatoes, while cousin Cindy can show off her sweet potato pie. Sharing helps others feel like they're contributing, and helps them show their skills. Knowing what others are bringing allows you to focus on those items you will provide.
- Consider ordering a ready made Christmas dinner. More and more grocery stores are offering this service.
- Let others help clean up as well!!
- Recognize your limits. It helps no one if you are too stressed out to relax and enjoy the company or bask in a job well done. Healthy boundaries (limits) help all parties involved accept accountability for their part in elevating stress.
- Onee boundary you may need to establish is a seating plan. A seating plan keeps those who always argue separated which helps lower the stress level.
- Prioritize your cleaning and prepare as much food ahead of time as possible.
- Get enough sleep and continue healthy habits such as exercising and eating a healthy diet. Good health helps you be resilient.
- Help others if possible. Helping others builds a sense of gratitude and purpose.
- Listen to soothing music, mindfulness exercises, or other activities that calm you
- Call a friend or professional if stressful feelings become too overwhelming
Does your partner/family member:
- Use demeaning or abusive language - Use violence or threats - Believe they have the right to control or dominate you - Coerce you into having sex - Blame someone else for their anger and frustration - Not respect other's opinions - Have no ability to disagree without anger - Humiliate and belittle - Not respect your right to say 'no' (or anyone's rigt to say 'no') - Monitor your whereabouts and actions at all times - Isolate you from friends and family - Withhold money or affection
If any of these statements sound familiar, you may be in an abusive relationship. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233, or the Leavenworth Alliance Against Family Violence Crisis Line 913-682-9131.